Embody Mental Health

Posts Tagged ‘Nancy Coyne’

(ABOVE: ME, ANN, DEBRA & KATHY at XANADU RANCH B&B)

“He who lets the goat be laid on his shoulders is soon after forced to carry the cow.”

Italian Proverb

LIFE IN STRIDE: WALKING, TROTTING, & CANTERING INTO CERTITUDE

My time at the “Riding Your Way Into A Mutual Relationship” workshop brought a flooding of insights, clarities, and a chance to practice advanced mental yoga–really getting my mind into a centered and unshakable rhythm.  Kathy, one of the other workshop participants created the term “Om Trot” to describe a trot that one can really breathe into.  In Nancy’s (my favorite yogini/psychiatrist) urging me to practice Kapalabhati exercises while I was desperately trying to convince my elderly steed Max that a canter might be a good idea she created a spontaneous practice that I will now call the “Kapalabhati Canter”.  It seems to me that there is yoga in every step, every breath, and every motion of riding.  From what our feet say about the emotions contained in our body, to what a reflective round pen session can tell us about how we define our relationships in life, to how we sit on the back of the horse and how we breath into the stride of a trot or a canter can say about what we relay to another breathing being.  All I see when I look at the equine-human experience is yoga in every touch and every hoof beat.

The more I see what is wrong for me in life the more certain I am of what is right; perhaps life experience is a process of elimination getting to what works by way of all the stuff that doesn’t.  My certitude in what I believe persists, even, and especially, in the face of dealing with a lot that I do not want clouding the path to my destination.  We must walk before we run.  We must trot before we canter.  I feel that I am in the early trot of my life.  I know I want to canter, I am certain of what feels right, but for now I am just trying to find my groove in the Om Trot of my life–and trying to enjoy the pace.

BOUNDARY GOATS, GOODBYE.

My feeling, as someone whose bulk experience with horses is in the form of groundwork (as a novice rider and one working primarily with the therapeutic relationship groundwork is so rich for exploring how we feel and act in the world and with horses), is that there are profound levels of self-awareness and relational connectedness that can be explored when one is face-to-face with a horse.  This is true face-to-horse and it is also true, as I found in impromptu case studies, face-to-goat.

As the above quote says, “Those of us who let goats be laid on our shoulders…” and I have, historically, been one to let goats be laid on my shoulders.  Well, not literally, until Sonoita.  I take on all I can take and then I take whatever is left over and although I constantly remind my patients about self-care, setting boundaries, laying down what is ok in our lives in clear lines, when it comes to my life I am constantly being reminded that I need to take the goats off my shoulders and sometimes just say “No”.  And, as animals are great barometers for boundaries I am constantly reminded by the furry counterparts in my life that I need to be firmer when I draw my lines.  My dogs remind me.  Horses remind me.  And even these tempestuous boundary goats in Sonoita reminded me–set the line and be firm or you’ll end up with a goat nuzzling all over your shoulder…and even without horns that can be “ouch”.  So whether metaphoric or literal goats I think we all have to be conscious of when we need to say no in our lives–when we need to take the goat off our shoulders.  And when in Sonoita be careful of goats with a penchant for nuzzling that might just reveal your inner boundary issues.

IF YOU WANT A BIT OF A LAUGH WATCH THIS VIDEO CLIP: A Boundary Goat & A Pup With A Napoleon Complex

ALOHA SONOITA, HELLO CHALLENGES.

I feel as though I could write about 50 posts just on my time in Sonoita, Arizona.  The people, the experiences, the palpable profundities.  But I can’t.  Life and blogs continue at a pace that leave little time for too much for too long and too in-depth.  Which is why, as I knew it would, my Arizona experience which falls on the precipice of another realm of my work, passion, and dream of what can be, will be a lengthier exploration in my book.  I am excited to get working on the equine chapters of my memoir and taking my 21 day challenge of 800 words a day as a provocation to get my literary butt in gear–memoir-wise.  I am glad to have a booklength work to be able to go into the nuances of past, present, and future of this journey of mine far beyond the span of what blogging allows.  That said, I want to give Sonoita and my time there a great blogosphere Aloha–not a goodbye, not a hello but somewhere in the linguistic in-between where, like aloha, this post will be goodbye and hello all in one.  In leaving Arizona I felt myself beginning something new and so Aloha describes it best.

The greatest thing I take away from my time in the desert–above and beyond intellectual and emotional pursuits–is the human connections and dear friendships I believe where born on the mat, in the saddle, and everywhere in-the-twain.  Even at “Steak Out”–restaurant appropriately named for it’s array of meats and one veggie burger (I am going to be honest, all those meats and I nearly had a filet mignon relapse!)–where after 3 days that felt like both too short and also forever we all gathered, workshop leaders and participants alike, to laugh and jabber about passions, writings, and the future of equine facilitated practices.  I feel like I have met a wonderful collective of kindred spirits–with visions of stables dancing in their heads, same as mine, and a few new yogini converts to boot.

I received a wonderfully passionate email from Debra, also a workshop participant (and “Om Trot” Kathy’s girlfriend and proud human-horse “mama” of Sonoki–beautiful and smart young horse with a bright future indeed), in which she gushed excitedly about her passion and the work her and Kathy were doing to make their dreams living and breathing creations.  I was so excited for her and so happy to know another passionate soul following their dream.  At the end of her email she surprised me with some beautiful things she had to say about me, my dreams, and my passion.  Being, personally, in a place where life is overshadowing dreams this past month to hear these words from a friendship forged in 3 days (and an eternity) was moving beyond words–although I can’t help but word-y it up anyway.  I am very appreciative of her email coming just when I needed to hear those things–and wonderful to come as I round out the Sonoita blog post excursion.

And just when I thought the Arizona collective had said its piece for today’s blog piece I got the following blog comment from Shelley, in response to THE 21-5-800 CHALLENGE: ”Ok I’m in for the challenge. Only mine will be five rides, 800 words, 21 days!”

All I had to say in reply was, “It better be full of Om Trots!”

WORD COUNT FOR TODAY’s POST=1286 WORDS (I have posted my quota for today and now I am going to give myself a relaxing Savasana before bed…thank you CHALLENGE for giving me what I need!) Don’t worry I will not be filling my quota daily with posts–tomorrow I am working on a book chapter instead!

“There is a boundary to men’s passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination.”

Edmund Burke

  

“The secret to humor is surprise.”

Aristotle

I want to say a sincere thank you to everyone reading this blog and to everyone who has passed through the last, almost, year.  When I began this blog 100 posts ago last August I knew there were going to be seismic shifts in my life–newly married, relocating to Florida from NJ, and beginning new work in a new stage of life, state of the nation, and state of mind.  Much has happened that I expected but most that I never could have fortold.  Which is why, as I always tell my clients, don’t project or ruminate on what may be because, as I am continually learning, whatever our brains could imagine is nothing even close to the life we are given.  Day by day I am surprised, for better or worse, in lessons I wanted to learn and especially those I needed but never wanted, how much of life is surprises and how little works out how we choreograph it in our minds. 

At my 100th post, on the verge of a year “on the air”, virtually speaking, and with a plethora of surprises on my plate of life (good, bad, and really ugly) I marvel at life and am reminded that while Hollywood continues to churn out excellent fictions, the real stuff is the best script of all.  I am trying, difficult as it is with a work schedule that seems to bleed into nights and weekends (at least for now), to get back into my creative landscape and start seriously chipping away at the chapters of my book. 

I have many added rich layers of content especially following my recent visit with Shelley Rosenberg and Nancy Coyne in Arizona and I have still one more installment of my series of posts on my adventures with them–complete with boundary goat and all.  My book, as my life, has taken many surprising turns on this journey, morphing into something unexpected and new at every turn–although my once optomistic deadline of New Year’s 2011 for completion may have been a bit on the ridiculous side as I discover the layers and nuances in writing book-length prose. 

The chapters of my book, and the chapters of my life, reveal new material with every page, with every day and I am left thinking and quoting (as I have before) the punk rock song line, “All I know is that I don’t know.  All I know is that I don’t know nothing.”  My blog, as with everything right now in my life, is beginning a metamorphasis and a facelift of sorts.  I have branched off of wordpress.com and their free blog into an exciting and daunting self-run (eek) wordpress.org blog!  I am excited for what comes although bear with my learning curve on the nuances of a page run by these tech-savvy-less hands. 

I hope to explore so much more in the world of mental health, trauma healing, and mind, body, and spirit wellness in the next 100 posts.  Here is a quick teaser of a few of the fun things on the horizon!

• Interview with Margaret Burns Vap of Big Sky Yoga Retreats & Cowgirl Yoga!
• Interview with Elizabeth Plapinger, lawyer, Columbia School of Law professor, and co-creator of the Yoga for Mental Health & Wellness program at The Breathing Project in NYC!
• Interview with Michael Stone, co-founder of Center of Gravity Sangha, author, yogi, psychotherapist, and international lecturer on yoga, buddhism, and mental health!
• And my upcoming speaking and posts about the Florida NASW Conference (June 11th), Region 5 NARHA Conference (August), National NARHA Conference (November), and my upcoming E-Course at WISHSTUDIO on self-care!  Feel free to come and join for any of these events if you happen to be in Florida, Alabama, Denver, or the virtual world–respectively !

 

I am looking forward to seeing what the next 100 posts of my life will bring!  Thank you again for all those that are on this virtual journey or the newcomers joining in on the bandwagon of self-care, mental health and wellness, healing from traumatic experience, and dealing with issues of disconnect and finding reconnection in our lives, in our souls, and in our minds!

“Move and the way will open.”

Zen Proverb

REMEMBERING THE RESTORATIVE: FROM CLIENT-CARE TO SELF-CARE

As someone who has guided clients through the intrinsic healing experience of yoga from yoga studio students to combat veterans I know how amazing and rejuvenating it can be.  Likewise, when I integrated yoga into the equine therapy practices I felt this light of finding a combined practice that resonated so profoundly for people that I wondered how I could bring this gift to every client I ever worked with that day forward.  Combat veterans and other trauma survivors seem to find drastic levels of healing in the experiential practices of mind/body medicine with a yogic edge and relational therapy through the silent compassion of a horse.  I had seen this therapeutic magic in action, seen the teary eyes of a modern day warrior gently petting the flank of his equine companion.  I knew this was something un-ignorable and I wanted to spread the concepts and conjoined practices to every place of pain I could, and to every person in need of connectedness. 

In my fervor, however, I had still never been a participant so I had never experienced the combination of body scans, somatic attunements, centering and grounding exercises, yoga, and horses all in one gloriously zen package.  I got the chance to see the results as a therapist and take part in the clients’ processes but not indulge myself in the participant role.  By the time I was packing up my boots and jeans for my trek to Arizona I was ready for a temporary role shift and some horse & yoga indulgences of my own.  Perphaps even a few revelations and epiphanies of my own as well.

I knew there would be mind/body practices in Shelley and Nancy’s equine program but when I received the email 3 days before leaving for Arizona stating, “Bring yoga clothes for the morning,” I nearly wept from excitement–seriously.  I had been putting self-care on the back-burner for a while; a fact that came fully into focus while giving my “Room to Breath” self-care workshop to a room full of women desperately in need of self-care a few weeks prior.  I was exhausted, I was drained, and part of me was wishing to be on the other end of the room–to be more participant than guide (although I love both roles in their own way). 

What is it about the nature of a woman that makes us constantly take from our own personal well of energy long past the time that every drip has been ladled out of it–until we are digging up moist dirt looking for water?  That is a mostly rhetorical question because I could give about 50 answers off the top of my head–ones that always come up when I give self-care workshops and ones that always resonate with me being someone who preaches far more than I practice when it comes to self-nurturing activities.

Well, I thought, I would, finally, give back to me.  And the deliciousness of yoga mornings, greeted by a dawning sun in the guesthouse of a cozy Arizona farm, was definitely enough to bring tears to my tired eyes.  Since ending yoga school for my teacher training life had caught up with me fast between a new job, private practice, workshops, and fine-tuning materials for upcoming trainings, not to mention 3 weeks of a killer sinus infection.  I had not even had time to maintain my own personal yoga practice in any way.  I needed a dose of the yogic in a big way.  I always felt the response of my body, mind, and spirit when I fell into a yoga drought–my brain got more distracted and white noise crept in, my body stiffened up, and my shoulder muscles tightened to rigid blocks of muscular tissue.  I felt distanced from any semblance of soulful peace.

CHECKING INTO THE OM HOTEL…

So, you may be wondering, what is the Om Hotel?  Is it a place? Is it a state of mind? The answer is–yes.  You create the space in a place and it becomes the conduit to a state of mind.  The place can be as simple as a yoga mat or a wooden floor or if you have a penchant for improvisation, it can even be on the back of the horse.  It can be a squared off corner of a room, or a particular room in a house, or an Arizonan guesthouse down a quiet dirt road with plenty of sunlight, soft yogic crooning, and a singing bowl or two.  The latter is where I laid myself at 9:00am on the first day of the “Riding Your Way Into a Mutual Relationship” workshop which Shelley and Nancy had crafted with the Epona Method as a base and the flavors of their expertise sprinkled throughout which, to my great delight included a very qualified psychotherapist yoga teacher at one end (Nancy) and an expertly intuitive horsewoman at the other (Shelley).

My “Om Hotel” experience began every morning for 3 days with a fluid, peaceful, and restorative yoga practice led by Nancy which was such a gentle yawn into the morning I could have spent about 3 hours in the guesthouse studio.  Nancy wove together the best of somatics and language from both psychotherapy such that the merging was seamless and helped evoke people’s true states of self without feeling invasive or probing.  Her postures were gentle and meditative, bringing the practice to a room full of horsewomen without yoga background in such a palatable way that it left them all wanting to go home and begin a regular practice of their own–which I always love to hear.

The studio walls were coated in a sunlight shade of yellow and mats were lined across the cream tile urging anyone entering to melt into the cool earth and let their yoga take them away from the external and come back to the root of themselves.  As I always like to quote e.e. cummings, taking us equine yoginis on a journey to, “…the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life.”  There were sun salutations, light meditations, restorative postures, and soft melodies; the perfect sampler of the practice to a room of beginners and one lapsed-yogini in need for a lot of softness in her practice.

The “Om Hotel” practice provided me with a return to my inner yogini with a side of self-reflection and introspection.  I loved the morning practices and relished a return to my private practice every evening, returning to the Xanadu Ranch and taking my practice to a comforting place–for muscles sore from saddle sitting and other unfamiliar farm-related aches.  Another beautiful revelation was the increasing level of yogi in each of the workshop participants leading to the creation, by Cathy (one of the participants with a very earthy sensibility and highly attuned intuition), of such equine/yogic terms as “om trot” and “spiritual legs”.  I was in love with the blossoming of vocabulary and the embracing of the yogic in the equine.  Although my ability to achieve my own “om trot” later in the week was quite a difficult thing.

THE PRANA EQUUS IN ACTION…

Prana, in yogic terms, is the vital life-sustaining force that is the root of our root and is embodied in our breath–life begins and ends with breath and, in my study, how we breathe says a lot about how we live.  The same can be said about how we ride.  Our breath acts as a barometer for our emotional experience and while riding your horse, part of the communication in the “mutual relationship” and the language we silently convey to the horse, comes in the forms of movement and breath.  Much like in yoga it is in the movement and breath that all communication and all of the emotional experience is acted out.  So to find your yoga in the equine is crucial in my opinion–and luckily, it seems, it also is the same for Nancy and Shelley’s work and workshops.  I loved how much they integrated body awareness, emotional experience in the body, and our body and breath language into their workshop–for me it proved to be even more revelational than I expected.  And resonated so much with the work I had been doing integrating the two practices together in my own little South Florida pietry dish of life.

My riding, I have learned, brings out all of the survival mechanism responses and discomfort spoken in physiology which I will discuss more in the next few posts.  This was a vital deepening of my own body awareness and attunement to how the oldest of habits die hard.  I carried my om with me and my breath skills as much as I could but my personal mounted equine work definitely tested my yogic capacities.  

I am one of those people for whom it is difficult enough to, say, tie my shoes and chew gum symultaneously let alone find my horseback seat, balance, breath, and hand placement–this I am going to need to work on.  Perhaps I need to chew gum and tie my shoes more often to build the tactile multitasking.  For now I am going to try a few oms to recalibrate my brain after an already long week–even longer while reminscing and longing for days spent alongside roundpens, on horseback, or on a yoga mat.  There is something diminishing about the return to an office-based week and paperwork-laden life.  Here is hoping all of you find a little bit of “The Om Hotel” in your daily life!

Stay tuned for the upcoming posts in this series:

• RUNAWAY BRIDLE: THAT WHICH IS LOST & FOUND AMID HORSES
• FEET FIRST: A HORSEWOMAN-STYLED REFLEXOLOGY
• REFLECTIVE ROUNDPENNING & BOUNDARY GOATS
• ….& ending with a NEW interview with yoga & equine enthusiast, Margaret Burns vap of COWGIRL YOGA & BIG SKY YOGA RETREATS!

“The infinite is in the finite of every instant.”

Zen Proverb